I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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