Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
