i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
