What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
