There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He passed out mid-signature
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
