i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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