im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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