When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
