There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
