no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
