Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
