omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
