oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
