why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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