some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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