its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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