as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
