my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
