I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
