Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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