hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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