Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
