I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I love having hate sex.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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