just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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