I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We have started to decorate penises.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
