She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
