Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
is wine microwaveable?
It's just like the Real World with babies
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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