no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
