roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
