A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
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