she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize