Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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