so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't put those talents on a resume
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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