I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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