when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
