According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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