i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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