a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
