I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
