As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize