I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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