Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
