I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
