It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
