Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
