apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
