And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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