I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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