I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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