then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
