Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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