At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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