If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize