how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
