i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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