Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize