2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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