Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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