My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
