I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
