I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
