he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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