found the other keg... it's in the tree
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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