im having a threesome with these popsicles
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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