Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
