Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
