pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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