ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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